If you have been following My Cherished Haven for the last couple of weeks, you know that I am committed to reading at least one book per month. I give my reading list in this post. This month I chose to read, The One Minute Manager by Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson.
To be honest, I was expecting more of a how to make every minute of your day count type of book. Instead I got my socks completely blown off and left with tons of food for thought. I love books like this, but I was not expecting this small book to carry such a powerful punch! Literally this book challenged every area of my life, especially my parenting and left me feeling enlightened.
I am a Mompreneur which means that I have a home business but that my family comes first. So parenting is a big for me. I stay home so my child can have my full attention, and I work like crazy during nap times so he can have the best of both worlds. That being said, I do my best to be the most amazing parent I can possibly be. This is not an easy task and takes lots of prayer and patience!
The One Minute Manager revealed to me a secret parenting strategy that actually works and is super simple! Nothing complicated and no supplies needed. :) It also revealed to me why it works which is a hug plus for me all in 106 pages, not even full pages at that. Totally awesome!
So let's dive into this amazingly incredible strategy! As a preface though, you really need to buy the book, I promise it will literally change your life. You can buy it on Amazon for a couple of dollars, and I promise you it is well worth it.
In the beginning of the book, the main character of the story is trying to find what makes a good manager. He seems to have two different categories that most managers fit into, autocratic and democratic.
The autocratic managers were all product focused. They had no relationship with their employees, but the product they produced was great. The result: great product, unhappy employees, and lots of turn over.
The second type of manager is democratic, and he is exactly the opposite. He concentrates more on the employees and produces inferior products. The result: happy employee, inferior product, not much turn over.
Funny thing is that most parents fit in one of these two categories as well. You have great well behaved children, but not a strong parental relationship. On the flip side, you have utter chaos, but a great relationship. Each model has pros and cons, and most decisions you make as a parent fall in being like one or the other. It doesn't have to be that way! The one minute strategy will improve your parenting skills and literally bridge that gap.
- One Minute Goal Setting. This is the first of the three strategies. This is what I would call the training phase. You teach your child exactly what response you expect in all situations. I wrote about how to do that in this post. An example of one would be role playing the expected behavior multiple times before the situation occurs. The situation could be grocery shopping, visiting someone's home, or sitting at a ball game. The first time it may take longer than a minute depending on the child, but after that, it shouldn't take long at all to review the expected behavior.
- One Minute Praisings. After you have reviewed the goal (expected behavior), you then watch very closely to catch them doing it right. They may not do it exactly right at first, but you still praise them. The book offers some great examples on this point. When you praise them, it is important that you make physical contact, like touching their arm or shoulder or putting them on your lap if they are small. You then make eye contact and praise them specifically for what they did right. You then express how they make you feel when they do behave correctly.
- One Minute Reprimands. This is the last and final strategy, and a little more uncomfortable to perform, at least for me. Just like the one minute praisings, you make physical contact and eye contact. You then tell them exactly what they did wrong, and how it makes you feel. You pause for a couple of seconds and let them feel what you feel, then you remind them that they are valuable and you love them, and that you know that they will do better. Always, Always make sure to never attack them as a person just the behavior. When you are demeaning in your speech, like using terms: worthless, always disobedient, naughty, brat, never should have brought you etc.., you are actually destroying your relationship and modeling how to act when they are angry or frustrated. So don't be surprised if they act just like you when they get angry in the future, it is what you are teaching them.
An example of applying this strategy would be this scenario. You are your child are getting ready to go shopping for a couple of hours. You tell your little one, John, that you will be going shopping. When you go shopping with mamma, I expect you to:
- Get out of the car and stand on the white line, until I am ready.
- Sit in the basket and help me find certain items
- Not ask for anything besides what is on our list.
Then we act like are in a car and going to the store, we go through different possible scenarios and how you expect John to behave. After you are sure, he understands, you leave for the store.
When we get out of the car at the store, John stands on the white line, while I get the bags out the trunk. I grab his hand, look him in the eye, and tell him that he did a great job standing on the line and waiting so patiently for me! I then tell him that I am so proud that I have such an obedient and reliable son!
As we go through the store, I find things that he does right and praise him in the same manner. If he slips up and asks me for something that is not on our list, I make physical and eye contact. I then tell him that he is disobeying me by asking for something on the list and that his disobedience makes me very sad. I pause for a couple of seconds and then tell him, that I love him so much and that I know that he will remember to obey in the future.
The above one minute reprimand is literally done in a minute or less with no raised voices. When it is done, it is done. You don't bring it up again, it is over.
I don't want to go through exactly why each method works so effectively because the book does that so well, and I don't want to take away from it. You can purchase the book using this link. (affiliate link)
This is probably the most effective and efficient parenting skill I have ever seen! I have been using it for a couple days now with my son, and it is incredible! I can't wait to hear your success stories. :)